Aerosol Spray Can

How sexy are you? No, really – how sexy?

Before you were just a man. Not any old man, but a man nonetheless. Now you’re a stud, a Casanova, a Lothario, a sexy beast, a Romeo, an irresistible babe magnet.

Don’t laugh. Don’t put yourself down. Smell me. Go on. Put your nose to your armpit and inhale. Take all of me in.

That’s it. Do it. Perfect, aren’t I? Better than any deodorant you’ve ever used before. And now you’re perfect too. You’ve got the hair, you’ve got the clothes and now you’ve got the scent to go with it.

No one will be able to resist you. No one will be able to walk past without stopping to look back. Women, they’ll be all over you, giving you their eyes, their lips, their breasts, their phone numbers.

You’ll be number one. All your friends – no, every man – will be jealous. They’ll ask, what’s happened, what’s changed? How can someone like you get women like that? And you can be coy. You can shrug your shoulders, say it might be your hair, your clothes, your sense of humour.

But you know it won’t be true, because you had them already and no one cared. No. It’s me. Your deodorant.

I’m your swagger, your wit, your jazz hands. Without me you’d be a joke. A ridiculous chancer with a year-old condom in your wallet.

Believe me. I’ve made you.

Now get out there and show them there’s a new stud in town, and he’s the sexiest man alive.


4 thoughts on “Animal Magnetism

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