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I’m going to go to the desert or the jungle or the ocean or the arctic, some extreme environment anyway, and once I’m there I’m going to look masculine and primitive and strong and like I know the local language like the back of my hand, though I don’t because I’ll need a translator and a guide.

And while I’m there I’m going to search for an animal, any animal will do, as long as it’s rare and dangerous and really only wants to be left alone and couldn’t care less about me, never mind you.

And once I find it I’ll stalk it and photograph it then wrestle with it or give it a punch, let it attack me then fight back, maybe even let it hurt me a little so that in the end everyone out there – you – will learn something more about an animal you will never see again.

And you will be happy that I encountered it and supplied you with a topic of conversation for work the next day, maybe while you’re making a coffee or looking at Facebook, while I’ll still be out there doing something important, something that extends human knowledge and experience.

Something great, dammit, that’ll be remembered forever.

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