English: Walking the dog, Holywells Park Holyw...

No. This is absolutely true, I swear. I saw this guy walking his dog in the park and I thought, you know, that he’d be good for some.

So I walked up to him, said hello and that, complimented him on his dog, then asked if I could have his phone and his wallet, if he didn’t mind – I don’t see the point in being aggressive – and he said, oh, okay, like we were in a newsagents or something and I was one of his regular customers.

He put his hands in his pockets and got them out, wallet from his trousers, i-Phone from his inside jacket, then gave me the phone and was about to hand me the wallet – stuffed full it was too – when he said, look, I can see you’re a good sort, you were polite and said nice things about my dog, so can I ask you for something too? You know, he appealed to my better nature. And, well, I’m a sucker for that kind of thing and I’d already got the phone so I said sure, and he opened his wallet and said:

Look, I’ll give you this. I’ve got no problem you having my credit card or this for that matter, he went on, pointing at what was a debit card. You can have all the cash too. I can call up my credit card company and bank once we’re done and cancel the cards – after you’ve bought some things, of course, you should get some fun out of them. It’ll take me half an hour to get home and do that then phone the police, if not longer, Benny hasn’t had much of a walk yet, and I can always tell a little white lie about when you mugged me.

Some of this other stuff, though, he carried on, I can’t let you have. I need this pass to get into work and this is my library card, which I suppose you could have, but – tell me if I’m wrong – you’re not the reading type (I’m not so I didn’t). And as for these, well, do you really need pictures of my wife and kids? And he was right. I didn’t and told him so.

So he took the photos, library card and pass out, handed me the wallet and said, well, it was a pleasure doing business with you. Now, would you like to throw this stick for Benny before we go our separate ways? He really loves chasing sticks.


27 thoughts on “A Gentlemanly Transaction

  1. I always think about these things when I hear of muggings! They know the cards will be cancelled…why risk so much for those other things? Great job turning that thought into such a lovely piece.

    • I know. This is actually based on a ‘true’ story someone told me ages ago. You know, something happens and then someone tells someone and there is so much embellishment that eventually, well, you know…

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