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Vampires

Of course, the Zombie Apocalypse was a terrible thing, a terrible thing. Millions, sorry, billions of people died, I know. But I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t in some small way been good, especially for me.

Before it happened my practice was going nowhere. I’d had to lay off Gerald and Evelyn after years of service. It had basically got to the point where it was just me and Georgina, my receptionist, and I couldn’t get rid of here because she’d been with me for centuries.

It seemed no one cared about mental health in a recession. They wanted food on the table, a roof over their head. Who cares if you’re depressed? Everyone’s depressed. Life’s unfair. Kill yourself or get over it.

And then the zombies came along and everything turned around.

Of course, Georgina and I had to wait it out. We stocked up on tinned food, boarded up the windows and doors, and read old case studies to pass the time. But then once the plague had been contained and we’d taken the boarding down we could hardly believe our luck.

It’s amazing what living through a zombie apocalypse does to people’s mental states. Admittedly, I am basically treating everyone for post-traumatic stress disorder, helping them through their zombie nightmares of gnashing teeth and exploding brains, but at least it’s better than nothing.

And these people are going to be in therapy for years. Years. All my cash-flow problems are over. I’ve even had to take more people on again, though not Evelyn and Gerald unfortunately as they were zombified and burnt. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be able to meet the demand.

Business is booming and I even get the chance, once in a while, to sink my fangs into the necks of some of these traumatised survivors too. They don’t seem to mind either. They’re glad their dreams are over. And they’re easy to dispose of too. I just chuck them on the zombie piles with Georgina’s help (she needs a feed too every so often) and the world, happily, is none the wiser.

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17 thoughts on “After the Apocalypse, Business is Booming

  1. Funnily enough, according to Peter Rollins (in Idolatry of God) the Zombie apocalypse has already happened, “Zombies reflect an aspect of our own nature back to us in a pure and undisputed form. They express what is most uniquely human about us I.e. that which is absent from other animals. Intriguing…

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