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I thought it was the right thing to do. You could see half her arse when she bent over at the pool table to take a shot.

So I went over to her man and said, you might want to tell your girl that she might want to pull her jeans up. But before I could even finish saying ‘up’, he said, what you looking at my girl for? You a pervert or something?

I put my hands up, no, no. I’m just telling you what the rest of the bar’s looking at. But he just said, what you’re looking at more like. What’s the problem? Haven’t had a shag in a while or something, so you feel the need to perve on my girl?

I was going to say I noticed. That was all. I wasn’t perving. But before I could, he was shouting, hey everyone. Get at load of this guy. Can’t keep his eyes off Maxine’s arse. Anyone got any tissues so he can go have a wank?

The whole bar started laughing, so I turned around and left, the words, good, run, you perve, following me out.

I’d been waiting for Rachel, you know the girl I’ve been seeing, so I texted her to say the bar was rammed, could we meet somewhere else, where was she now and that. She texted back, fine, and suggested a place halfway between me and her, so I got a bus and headed over to where she was.

When I got there, she already had a drink, so I got one for myself and joined her. We talked for a bit, then she went to the toilet. When she got back she suggested going somewhere else to eat, so I downed my pint, put my coat on, and stood up.

The moment she turned to head out of the door, I looked down and saw her bumcrack, both cheeks clear as day. I was about to say something, but then I thought of Maxine.

I wish I had.

Outside and on the bus she got stares and ogling and laughter. She turned and gave the other passengers a confused look and said to me, what’s up with them?

When we got to the restaurant there was a mirror in the entrance and she noticed herself straightaway.

She said, why didn’t you say something? So I just told her I hadn’t noticed myself until you mentioned it. I wasn’t looking.

She smiled and said, what, don’t you think my arse is worth looking at, is that it?

So I said, no, you’ve got a great arse.

I immediately regretted it.

She said, so you did notice.

I said, no, yes, okay I did, but I didn’t ogle. And I don’t need to go for a wank either, okay.

She laughed, but more nervously than anything, and said, well, that’s good to know.

I don’t think I’ll be seeing her again.

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30 thoughts on “Bumcrack

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