The first time I stayed at Lisa’s parents’ house I sat down to pee so no would hear me. We stayed for five days and I didn’t go for a shit once.
The second time we stayed for four days. I stood to piss and wiped the rim when my aim was off. I shat twice and sprayed air freshener around the bathroom when I was done.
The next time we stayed I left the door unlocked while I took a leak, and took a book with me when I crapped. After that I peed standing up and sitting down. I left the door ajar and whizzed without flushing. I stained the bowl with skid marks and scrubbed them clean with the toilet brush. Sometimes I forgot to flush.
The last time I stayed I pissed on the rim and didn’t bother to wipe it clean. I took a dump and left a turd in the bowl and the air freshener unused on the windowsill. Two weeks later we broke up.
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