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The first time I stayed at Lisa’s parents’ house I sat down to pee so no would hear me. We stayed for five days and I didn’t go for a shit once.

The second time we stayed for four days. I stood to piss and wiped the rim when my aim was off. I shat twice and sprayed air freshener around the bathroom when I was done.

The next time we stayed I left the door unlocked while I took a leak, and took a book with me when I crapped. After that I peed standing up and sitting down. I left the door ajar and whizzed without flushing. I stained the bowl with skid marks and scrubbed them clean with the toilet brush. Sometimes I forgot to flush.

The last time I stayed I pissed on the rim and didn’t bother to wipe it clean. I took a dump and left a turd in the bowl and the air freshener unused on the windowsill. Two weeks later we broke up.

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25 thoughts on “Degrees of Intimacy

  1. Now, this is a different take on a relationship’s progress. Really creative — I like how you venture into awkward territory in your stories. Have a great New Years, and I look forward to reading more of your stories in 2014.

  2. It should go without saying that I liked this piece as well. I often feel so self conscious when visiting another’s house, be it family, intended family, or just some friend. It is amazing how the body can seriously be controlled by the mind.

    The like button wouldn’t appear for me, thus the lousy comment.

    Peace & Love

  3. This is so funny, and it is rue about many thing, looking in the refrigerator, food pantry, maybe even a hall closet or such. We once forbade one of our kids’ to poop in our bathroom, it was so bad. beebeesworld

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